


I Will Find You

by KeithMeLance



Series: JeanMarco Week 2020 [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, JeanMarco Week, M/M, POV Jean Kirstein, Red String of Fate, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeithMeLance/pseuds/KeithMeLance
Summary: JeanMarco Week 2020Day 7:  Free Day (Soulmate AU)Jean waits for the red string of fate to appear around his finger, so he can finally know who his soulmate is...
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Series: JeanMarco Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798435
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	I Will Find You

Being eighteen didn’t mean nothing. It was everything. Because, when you turned eighteen, the red string that connect both you and your soulmates finally appears. It’s tied around your right pinky and to your other half pinky. It’s supposed to symbolize the link between two souls. No one know why, or how it happens. I’d lie if I said it made life better.

And I’ve waited for this moment my entire life. I was ready for everything. Since my soulmate could be anywhere, I had to be prepared. Prepared to travel half of the planet to find them. Some of my friends told me it didn’t worth it. Like I cared about what they think. I wasn’t doing that for them.

***

_“Do any of you believe in soulmates?”_

_“Not now, Connie, we’re eating.”_

_“But like? Is the red string thing true? Maybe it’s just the same thing as Santa Claus…”_

_“Shut up.”_

_First year of high school, lunch, me, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, Ymir, Eren, Armin and Marco. It was the first year I got real friends. Besides Marco, who I knew since basically forever. And it felt good to have people to talk to, not just one. Even if sometimes, Eren’s bullshit was unbearable._

_“I think it’s true.” Answered Armin. “No one told us it wasn’t, while we were told Santa isn’t real.”_

_“I don’t want it to be true,” added Ymir while gesturing her fork. “Love should fell upon you as you don’t expect it.”_

_“First of all, since when you’re interested in love? Second, soulmates aren’t always supposed to be romantic. Like, what if yours is a man?”_

_“Sash got a point.”_

_“No she doesn’t.”_

_“Come on Ymir,” said Reiner as lightly punched her shoulder. “One day, you’ll understand.”_

_Ymir pestered which made him laugh loudly._

_“What about you Jean?”_

_It was Marco who asked. He never forgot to involve me in conversation, so I didn’t feel left out. He was probably the only person who ever cared about me._

_“I don’t know.”_

***

I had saved money for a while, thanks to the job I found during summer. Money has always been one of the focus of my life, but this time I tried to put it to a good use, i.e. not to spend it all on some random stuff. Instead, I saved my money, like what a real adult would do. And all my savings would be used to find my soulmate. I failed a lot of things in my life, but I was sure this time I wouldn’t. I just had to follow the string; it wasn’t complicated. A piece of cake. The hardest part was to wait for it to appear.

I’ve read stories, about people who followed their string for years, only to found out their other half were married and didn’t want to do anything about their soulmates. I wondered if mine was like that. I wouldn’t care and let them live their life. But just knowing I have a soulmate somewhere would be reassuring. I’d feel better.

I thought about buying a car, to move easier. The idea was quickly left behind. I needed all the money I could have, if I had to take the plane or something. My soulmates could be on another continent. I wouldn’t have minded if they were. Trust me when I said I’d do anything to find them.

***

_“I want to travel all around the world!” He said while standing majestically on a rock._

_“And I’ll come with you!”_

_We were seven. At the age of seven, you don’t know much about money and even less about the world in general. We thought it would be like exploring, we could be younger versions of Indiana Jones. At seven, you’re stupid. But Marco had never been stupid. Just too nice._

***

The evening before my 18th birthday, I avoided humans. I’ve always preferred to be alone for my birthdays, for Christmas, for New Year’s Eve, for every celebration. And I had no reason to do so. It just felt like I should be alone. Like I needed to. Most of the time, my presence was a pain in the ass for everyone and they didn’t forget to make me know it.

I knew I was born at 8:34 am exactly, so I could sleep that night, and not wait the whole night for the string to appear. I had to be well-rested if I wanted to look for my soulmate in the morning. And I couldn’t appear in front of them tired, moody, running on coffee, unshaved… They would get a very bad opinion on me. First impressions matters.

***

_“Why are you alone?”_

_That was the first thing I ever said to him. He was intriguing me, sitting on the bench by himself during lunch break. I observed him from afar for a long time, before deciding to leave my other friends to talk to him. I never regretted it._

_“I’m reading.”_

_“You can read?” Yeah, we were five. Reading at that age is pretty awesome._

_“Mom taught me."_

_“What is it about?”_

_“A cat and a mouse who are friends.”_

_“Cats and mice can’t be friends.” I know, I had a really wide opened mind._

_“Yes they can. Everyone can be friends with everyone.”_

_“Can I be friends with you?”_

***

The alarm I set up on my phone woke me up at 8. Everything was ready for me to leave the apartment I shared with my mom. I had filled a bag with essentials like clothes, toothbrush, picture of my friends and family, a book (in case I get bored), phone charger, and many more things. After a quick shower, I managed to swallow my coffee, an exploit considering how knotted my stomach was. I prayed for it to stay inside. Throwing up on the first day of my soulmate quest, such a great way to start.

I gazed upon the room, which I thought I wouldn’t see again for weeks. The sun was already up high in the sky, rays shining through the windows. It was going to be a good day. According to the weather app on my phone, the day was promising to be sunny and warm.

I finished my coffee in a loud gulp and put my cup in the sink. It was 8:29. I still had some time to dress up completely and be ready for the string to appear. For a second, I was afraid it wouldn’t. Although, I quickly let go of that idea. The strings always appeared, no matter what.

***

_“Dude you won’t believe what happened!”_

_“I’m sure I will.”_

_“So I was sitting there, and you know I don’t know exactly_ when _I was born, mom told me it maybe was around 8pm, but she was wrong! Like I know who my soulmate is!_

_“Good for you.”_

_I had lost every interest I could have had over this shit. Soulmates didn’t matter anymore. For me, it was all bullshit. But for Eren, it wasn’t._

_“Ask me who is it!”_

_“Fine, who is it?”_

_“It’s Mikasa dude! Can you believe it?”_

_Deep inside of me, I had hoped Mikasa would be my soulmate. I’ve like her at some point, but she never liked me back. At least, I knew why. Even thought it was a bit weird because they were brother and sister, but I guess it’s because it’s commonly believe that soulmate have to be romantically involved with each other._

***

I thought about putting on my nicest clothes, but that wouldn’t be practical if I had a long way to go. Instead I decided to put on cargo pants, a simple black shirt, and a hoodie over it. Not too pretentious, not too simple. Not to brag, but I do have a pretty good fashion sense. Marco pointed out first, when we went shopping together.

When the clock on my phone finally turned to 8:34, nothing happened. Before I freaked over it, I remembered I wasn’t born at 8:34:00. They never write the seconds on the birth certificate. I had less than one minute left. My hands were shaking and sweating. That was one of the longest minutes in my life, alongside with the time the gym teacher made us do the plank for a minute.

***

_“What did we even do to deserve that?”_

_“Springer! One more word, one more minute.”_

_Connie muttered to himself like he was the only one to suffer. We all had to stay in this position for god-knows-how-long and it was Sasha’s fault. Who even eats potato chips in a gym class?_

_I looked at my left, hoping to see Marco and crack a joke or two with him, to see who could made the other break. But I forgot he wasn’t there. He had a family emergency at the start of the week, and never came back since. I really missed him._

_***_

Some people believe that soulmates are always someone you know. Someone you’ve met at some point in your life. At least 92% of the ones who met their soulmates were actually meeting someone they’ve been talking to, or been friends with, or just happened to know each other. Although this theory hasn’t been proved yet, even if scientist are working on it. I guess it’s complicated, since ‘soulmates’ aren’t exactly a science. That’s why I decided to not believe it.

When I saw my friends finding their soulmates, I realized I’ve never had the kind of relationship they had with anyone. Sure, I had friends, I fell in love once or twice in high school. But it was never this deep, unconditional, consensual, understanding, meaningful relationship.

I still wondered if my soulmate could be someone I knew. Couldn’t be Mikasa, she was Eren’s soulmate already. That fucker didn’t deserve her. Couldn’t be Sasha either, we got along, but we’ve never been more than friends, like we did not share our most secret secrets with each other. She had Connie to do that with.

***

_“Do you think Connie will ask Sasha to prom?”_

_“No.”_

_I was with Marco and we were staring at Connie and Sasha harassing together a poor vending machine. They were kicking it, shaking it, and calling it names. It was a pretty fun show to watch._

_“Did someone ask you yet?”_

_“No. You know, Jean, I’m starting to think I’m meant to be forever alone.”_

_“Don’t say that, you’ll meet someone. One day. Maybe.”_

_“That doesn’t help.”_

_“Well, I could stay free.” The truth was I had no date either. “And we could go together, as friends.”_

_“Sure, I’d like that.”_

***

At 8:34 and 56 seconds exactly, the red string appeared. And all hope I had inside of me the day before came back. I finally had a soulmate. And I could find them. I could find my soulmate.

When I tried to touch the string, my hand passed through it, like it didn’t exist. I wasn’t feeling anything, not like what a real string would feel like. And the color, it was a deep red, not like blood or roses, more like a tomato or a poppy flower. Sorry, I’m not a fucking poet.

After zoning out on the string for a whole five minutes, I managed to gather up myself and leave my place. Locking down the front door made me sad, I could have never come back, but I quickly remind me to focus on the essential: my soulmate. I had to try my best to stop my brain from imagining what they could look like, because that’s the easiest way to be disappointed. Instead I count down the steps to get out of my building. 57 to be exact.

Outside, it was still the morning, a white fog had fell upon the town and was hiding the bright sun I had this morning. I was glad to be wearing a sweater under my coat.

My string was just lying on the ground, going further and further on my left. I took a first step, the first step towards a new chapter in my life.

***

_“You know you can talk to us Jean.”_

_“Yeah, we’ll always be there for you.”_

_“It’s just a bad chapter in your life, but you’ll go through it. I know you can.”_

_“You’re not alone to suffer. We can understand your pain.”_

_“We’re worried about you. You don’t seem to be fine.”_

_“You’ve never been the same since he…”_

***

I thought the way was going to be long, so I bought some food from the first supermarket I encountered. Cookies, sandwiches, water… In an alley, I fell upon fake flowers. They were not that bad, and I might have needed a gift for my soulmates, so I also bought a red rose for them.

Then I got back on the road. Not exactly on the road, I was walking on the sidewalk. The only people I saw where middle-aged workers, too absorbed by their phone to pay attention to me staring at the ground. Yeah, because no one else but you and your soulmate can see the strings. It had led to a lot of problems, like older man telling teenage girls they are their soulmates but they’re too young to see the string yet… Ugh, it was disgusting.

So yes, no one could know who your soulmates is unless you choose to tell them. And I think it can be a good thing. Sometimes, you don’t always want to be with your soulmate, or people judge you because of your soulmate.

***

_“Haven’t you heard? This girl’s soulmate is a woman.”_

_“Oh my god? Is she a…you know?”_

_“Well, there’s no other explanation.”_

_I overheard this conversation two years ago, when Ymir turned eighteen and found out her soulmate was Krista. They were girlfriends actually, but everyone who weren’t their friends just thought they were too friendly with each other. Still, there was a lot of rumors about them at school. And people were so narrow-minded about it that they had to hide._

***

Five minutes after I started following the string, I got bored. Yeah, I know I have a short attention span, it’s not my fault. Marco used to say it was because my mind was going too fast for the world to keep up with it.

I took out my earphones from my pocket, plugged them into my phone and put on some music to get distracted. I chose a ‘good mood’ playlist, Armin sent it to me months ago, but I never bothered to listen to it. 

The songs he put in it were very good, and I had to keep myself from singing along a few times, letting myself just humming to the melody.

***

_“Wake me up!”_

_“Wake me up inside!”_

_“I can’t wake up!”_

_“Wake me up inside!”_

_“Save me!”_

_“Call my name and save me from the dark!”_

_As soon as Marco put on Evanescence on his speaker, we were both gone, giving everything we had to sing along. Neither of us was in rhythm, we couldn’t hold the high notes, sometimes we stumbled upon some words and it was more like screaming into each other faces than singing._

_People keep telling me how bad of a singer I am. But Marco never did. Not that he was a worse singer than me, he was actually quite good. He took every part of me, the good ones and the bad ones, without complaining once._

***

Then it hit me that the string probably didn’t care about the landscape, and about the fact that I was a human being not a bird. Meaning I should have to go back sometimes, to take a train or a bus to someplace else. And they might not follow exactly the string the same way I could if I was walking. That was a problem.

I read once about the story of a man who spent 2 years and a half searching for his soulmate. His life wasn’t going in the right way, and he decided to change everything by starting the quest to find his soulmate. He was living in Australia and had to go all the way to Greenland. He went to China, Russia, Egypt, England, Sweden, Iceland and only then he found her. She was married with three kids and told him to fuck off. What a nice story.

I don’t know how I would’ve reacted if something similar happened to me. I mean, for sure I would be pissed, but I don’t have to obtrude in my soulmate’s life. If they didn’t want me, I had to be fine with it, no matter what.

But deep inside of me, I had some kind of silly hope I could find love. It’s so cliché, and most of the time, your relationship with your soulmate is purely platonic. Love novels and movie gave a fake image of the reality. And even if I knew that, I was still dreamt of falling in love with my soulmate and having a family with them. Maybe I hoped for love because I never knew what it was really like. I wasn’t very experienced, like I had a dozen kiss and I was still a virgin.

***

_“Eren told me he kissed a girl!”_

_“What?”_

_“Eren kissed a girl!”_

_Kids drama. At that time we were 9 and 10, respectively. And also very jealous of Eren who got his first kiss but not us. It was very important for us, even if looking back at it, that was stupid._

_“I want to have my first kiss too!”_

_“Don’t cry, Jean. That’ll come.”_

_“But I don’t want to wait! Kiss me, now Marco!”_

_“Uh?”_

_“Like that, we’re both having our first kiss! And we can practice to be better at kissing than Eren!”_

_“Hum okay.”_

_Sometimes, I can’t bring myself to believe I shared my first kiss with Marco. We were kids, that doesn’t count. It’s just a secret between us, we never told anyone. Too bad I can’t remember the details._

***

I turned left at a crossroad, then right at another, and then right again. Maybe the string had no idea where to go. Maybe it has no end and I’d have to follow him for all eternity. That was stupid to think, it never happened, and it wasn’t going to happen to me, a random guy who just wanted to find his soulmate.

As I progressively left the center of the city, there were fewer people passing near me. I had to get used to loneliness, for the half of the trip I was going to be alone. Maybe for the other half I would have found someone. Or at least I hoped to. It would feel less long if I had someone to share it with.

***

_“I’m going to Europe next year.”_

_“Europe? What the fuck Marco?”_

_“I got a scholarship for a high school in Belgium, where my grandad lives. Mom thinks it would be better for our family.”_

_“So you’re going to leave next year?”_

_“Yeah, I think so.”_

_“That sucks. Senior year is supposed to be the best one.”_

_“I know, Jean, but don’t worry, I’m not going to die.”_

***

I was so focused on the string; I didn’t notice it led me somewhere I know. A place I’ve been to a hundred times. It was close to the end of the city, there wasn’t much house nearby, just fields. And standing tall in the middle of a desert landscape, a church.

I haven’t been to this church for some years, not since… Well, let’s say I wasn’t Christian. My mom was, but she never forced me to pray with her.

At first I thought the string was leading me inside the church, who would be miraculously open. And my soulmate would be inside, waiting for me. But turned out he was aiming at something next to the church. A place I’d refused to go.

***

_“Hey Marco! Can I come in? The door’s opened… I’ll take that as a yes. Wow it’s a really a mess in here, do you even clean sometimes? I know your mother is on a trip, but that’s not a reason to live like this. Oi! Do you even hear me? … Marco! He must be wearing his headphones or something… MARCO! … oh, and fuck it, I’ll just leave the books here. Ugh he seriously need to clean… Wait… What’s that stuff on the ground… MARCO get downstairs I think there’s something wrong… What the fuck is he doing… hold on is that barbeque sauce? What the hell… MARCO PLEASE. Shit, shit, shit, shit. What the fuck? Marco, is that you? Mar- “_

***

The cemetery. The string lead me to the fucking cemetery. And as soon as I took a step in it, I knew what was waiting for me. Call that a soulmate sense or whatever. Just then, the sun decided to come out, maybe to mock me.

As I walked down between the graves, I took in my hands the fake flower I bought earlier. If I had knew, I would’ve bought real ones. But how could I have known what was going to fell on me. I was so excited about finding my soulmate I didn’t realize it. How is that possible to be that blind?

I slowed down my paces as I got closer. Like it would help me avoiding the moment I’ve been scared of. Regrets would come later, I told myself. Gladly, there was no one but me in the cemetery. No one to see my tears rolling down my face like a waterfall. No one else but me and my soulmate. As I got to the end of the string I closed my eyes and let out a breath before opening them again to face the reality.

In front of me was the grave of my deceased soulmate, Marco Bott. 

***

_It was a spring afternoon. I was hanging at Marco’s house, to do my homework with him. But neither of us was in a mood to do them, so we were just lying on his bed, side to side, staring at the constellations he had painted on his ceiling. I’ve never been able to recognize or name any of them. Marco on the other hand, knew every star._

_“Have you ever been in love?” he abruptly asked. I was a bit turned upside down by his question. Still, I answered._

_“No, and I don’t think I ever will.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Love is useless and silly.”_

_“No, it’s not.”_

_“Pfft, what do you know about love?”_

_“…” his lack of answer ironically answered for himself._

_“Oh my god, Marco, are you in love?” he blushed and turned as red as a tomato. I got up and sat on the bed. “What the hell! Why didn’t you tell me anything?”_

_“It’s embarrassing…”_

_“I promise I won’t laugh at you!”_

_“Well, it’s a bit complicated…”_

_“Why? Is she seeing someone else already?”_

_“She…?”_

_“You know, I’m pretty good at hiding bodies if you ever need that talent.” Disclaimer: I never did that._

_“No Jean! But… She’s not seeing someone.”_

_“Then what’s the problem?”_

_“I don’t think she’ll love me back.”_

_“What? Marco, you’re the best fucking boyfriend any girl could ask for. If she doesn’t like you back, then she’s stupid. And believe me, I’ve never met a girl who was stupid. Except for Sasha. Wait, no… are you in love with Sasha?”_

_“Jean! No!”_

_“Shit, I was scared for a second man. Like, err, no. Never date Sasha, please. It’ll be too weird.”_

_“Don’t worry, it’s not in my plans. And I think Connie likes her already.”_

_“Who doesn’t know about it?” I laughed and laid back on the bed with him. “And trust me, there’s no way she can’t love you back.”_

_“Maybe … Although, you’re right. She’s pretty stupid.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Take care of you <3


End file.
